


Normal Boy Angus

by Manaya_Karyam (Toralyzer)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Past Abuse, Serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 20:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12755670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toralyzer/pseuds/Manaya_Karyam
Summary: just a fun story about our favorite boy Ango :)





	Normal Boy Angus

**Author's Note:**

> content warning: deals with trauma and discussions of child abuse

“Taako... offered me a job.”

Angus had expected his news to be met with congratulations, but his boyfriend Jacob, seeing the look on Angus’s face, could only reply somberly, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” said Angus, failing to smile. “It’s exciting.”

Jacob looked at him with concern.

“I mean, of course I’m also nervous about planning my future,” Angus tried to explain.

“And you _want_ to take Taako’s job offer?”

“I mean -” said Angus, sweating, “it’s under consideration, of course, it would depend on a number of factors, but obviously it would be really cool, to be - you know - working - with Taako - again -”

“Hey,” Jacob said softly, putting a hand on Angus’s shoulder. “Take a breath, Watson.”

Angus took a breath. He wondered why his heart was pounding.

The two boys had both been sorted into Noelle House when they enrolled at Lucas’s school. They were in the common room now, a comfortable underground space lit by warm golden lamps and ringed with bubbled windows keeping out the lake. Angus was awkwardly perched in a kneeling position, sitting on his heels on the couch. Jacob sat normally beside him.

“Sorry,” said Angus.

“No, that’s okay, babe,” Jacob said. “You just don’t seem... okay.”

Angus fixed his eyes on a jellyfish softly squirting past the window.

“I guess I’m nervous.”

Jacob frowned. His boyfriend was normally nothing if not on top of things, and he wondered if his interpretation was presumptuous. Still, he finally ventured: “You know... it’s okay if you _don’t_ want to work with Taako.”

Angus blinked. Then he realized what was up, and smiled. “You noticed my signs of worry and stress and guessed I was being pressured into something I didn’t want. Don’t worry, sweetie, it’s fine.”

Jacob persisted. “Angus - _I_ wouldn’t want to work with Taako.”

“No?”

“Well, no, I wouldn’t,” Jacob said flatly, “because he treats you like shit.”

Angus looked at his boyfriend, brows knitted. “How would you even know -” He began. “- Oh, right.”

He frowned with worry, searching for the words.

“Is that how it came across to you?” he asked.

“Um... yeah,” said Jacob hesitantly. “I mean, I’m sorry, but, yeah. You know, a lot of it would seem like harmless jokes if not for how obviously hurt you were back then. I mean... I’m sorry for, like, prying, but you know -”

“Yeah,” Angus waved the apology away, though concern still showed on his face. “It did get broadcasted into everyone in the world’s minds.”

Jacob nodded mutely.

Angus leaned back on the couch arm and looked at the ceiling, thinking about his retroactively open-source childhood.

 _Taako treated you like shit._ He ran the words experimentally through his mind.

He sat up, shaking his head. “I mean, it _was_ all in good fun,” he assured Jacob. “I mean, idk how _fun_ it was for me back then, sure. But... I mean it’s Taako, right?”

“I mean... exactly.” said Jacob.

“He doesn’t really think about how his words affect people.”

“Exactly,” said Jacob.

Angus frowned at his boyfriend. “I mean I just - I don’t want to make it sound like this is some big _thing,_ okay?” He softened his tone. “It’s not some trauma in my childhood, it’s not... like it was child abuse or something. I mean he’s not even my parent! I didn’t even live around him all that long.”

“Hey, I’m sorry,” said Jacob.

“No, I’m sorry, Holmes.” Angus sighed. Then gave his boyfriend a hug. “I’m sorry I got all weird about it.”

“No...” said Jacob. “That’s okay.”

Jacob hugged his boyfriend tightly, not knowing what else to do. He didn’t want to prescribe Angus’s feeling for him. But he never wanted to see that deep, bone-melting anxiety on Angus’s face again.

 

* * *

 

Locker room chatter boomed around them as Angus tied and pulled tight the symmetrical bows on his cleats, then straightened up on the bench. He wiped his forehead with his jersey sleeve, already sweating from the heat of the locker room and a certain amount of nerves.

He looked to the side. “You ready, Holmes?”

Jacob grinned. “Firing on all cylinders. You okay there, Watson? You’re looking a little dark around the eyes.”

Angus half-smiled. “I had some trouble sleeping. But I’m gonna do my best out there!”

Jacob blew him a kiss.

A whistle sounded outside. “Alright, let’s move it, everyone!” Coach called from the entrance. The full co-ed team scrambled to their feet and charged out into the perfect squint-inducing sunlight, over the bright grassy field.

Angus loved soccer. He was just ok at it, which was the best part.

Nothing could contrast better with his intellectual, academic comfort zone than a rowdy, physical sport. The burn in his muscles, the digging friction of cleats on the turf, the weighty bounce and noise of the soccer ball being passed and contested, and all the (relatively) untamed elements of nature and the real world that were absent from an indoor study, from the sweat to the dirt to the heat.

But even more importantly, the field put him on the same level as the other kids his age. It was an incredible relief to have equals, to be able to relate, to be able to share his successes and failures. He finally had friends. He finally felt like a real person. Though he felt it would sound far too privileged to admit it, he was so glad he’d gotten to learn just how good it is to be average.

If he took Taako’s offer, would he lose this?

And suddenly a wave of cold seemed to wash over his body, just as an offensive player from Johann House came dribbling the ball down the line straight toward him! Angus strafed to block their way, but he was slightly distracted, his movements were slow - the offender tried to skirt around him and Angus wedged his foot in the way, trying to block the ball’s course, and it was bounced high into the air - before the offender smacked it with a header and send it sailing past Angus toward the goal.

 

Noelle House lost the game, though not badly. Nobody blamed Angus for his spacey moment, except of course himself. Jacob found him pacing in the dormitory while the post-game hangout still carried on downstairs.

“Hey Watson,” Jacob said, “what’s the big worry? I’m the goalie, you know, so there’s no blaming yourself without blaming me.”

Angus stopped walking and sighed, crossing his arms in frustration with himself.

“You okay?”

“Even if I went to Taako’s school, it’s not like I couldn’t play soccer if I really want to,” Angus grumbled. “So why do I feel so messed up?” He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head. “What’s up with me lately? I need to get more sleep...” He caught a look at Jacob’s expression. “What?”

“I... Angus...” Jacob bit his lip. “Can we talk?”

They sat down on Jacob’s bed, both looking forward at the blank cream canopy covering the neighboring four-poster.

Jacob searched for his voice. He finally managed, “There’s something really... _wrong_ with the - you know, the three Reclaimers.”

Angus blinked. This wasn’t exactly what he was expecting.

“You mean Tres Horny Boys?” he said with a bit of a sardonic smile.

“Um, yeah.” Jacob gulped. “Tres Horny Boys. Well, maybe not _wrong_ but... _off._ I mean... they’re heroes, obviously. They saved the world. They obviously care deeply about the greater good. And yet they’re... well, they’re assholes, complete assholes, to everyone except a chosen few. And nobody else seems to acknowledge it, but I... I can’t see it any other way. I really... can’t understand how those men see the world, but I wouldn’t spend a month with them if you paid me, no matter how heroic they are.”

Angus kept his eyes forward with his hands clasped in his lap, trying to ignore the twist in his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” said Jacob, “I don’t want to - I’m not trying to tell you how you feel, I’m, um...”

“It’s okay,” said Angus. “I mean, I get... why you don’t think I should go work for Taako, I get why... I mean I understand... I agree that... they’re not... very good...” His voice shrank and trailed off.

“I just... I can see that you’re anxious,” said Jacob. “I can see that you’re... scared. I can see something’s really wrong and you’re telling me it’s not wrong, and I’m so worried. I’m worried about you now and I’m worried about what you might force yourself to choose.”

Angus looked at the floor, eyes stinging. The floor was a short and soft carpet, light purple in color. He didn’t want to think about it - the possibility that had tormented him for much of the night.

 _I wasn’t abused, I don’t have trauma,_ Angus wanted to say, but he also didn’t want to.

_Abuse is nothing like how I was treated. Abuse is when you get hit, abuse is when you get constantly put down, or denied basic necessities, or, or, or..._

Silently but suddenly, he started crying.

His tears ran down as he gasped through the sobs, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands.

Jacob put his arm around him and held him.

And so they sat for an unknown amount of time.

 

Angus was lying back on the bed, looking miserably at the canopy. He slowly found his voice again.

“When I saw him,” he said, “at the wedding. I told him: _‘I thanked you a hundred times for all the things that you’ve done for me and all the things that you taught me, but I still feel like my thanks haven’t been enough.’”_

Jacob’s eyebrows went up. “You told him that?”

Angus made a ghastly half-smile. “And I _thought_ I meant - that the reason my thanks weren’t enough - was that his help to me had just been so amazingly vast.”

Jacob fell silent, his chest suddenly heavy. He made a half-smile of his own. “That wasn’t my first thought, hearing those words.”

Angus shook his head softly in agreement.

“He...” He looked at the ceiling. “Taako was... the first person who saw me as anything other than... a prodigy, a... an oddity. And... he saw me as a _joke_ .” Angus took a deep breath. “He... like... he saw me as a joke _he_ was telling. And I... just wanted to be a _person._ ” He gritted his teeth. “And I felt like... he was my one chance at that. And I tried to be such a good and patient... assistant, apprentice, punchline, whatever! But it wasn’t enough for him, and won’t ever be. _Why..._ did it have to be... _Taako?”_

He breathed out in a long sigh.

“You’re a person to me,” said Jacob softly.

“Thank you.” Angus managed a slight, joking grin. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me...”

Jacob stuck his tongue out. “Stop it.”

Angus chuckled, feeling some of the air come back to his chest.

“I just, like...” Angus held his hands over his eyes again. “...can’t believe it’s real.” He lifted himself back to a sitting position and took a deep breath. “Nobody else sees anything wrong. Everyone acts like he’s my fucking _dad_ , as though he was a dad to me, how do I... how can I... trust what I remember?”

Jacob hugged him tightly. “Your memories are real. _Your_ memories of _your_ life are real. People hear what they want to hear. Honestly, people don’t want to believe that _Taako from TV_ is a shitty person. Because he makes them laugh. And they don’t want to accept that they really heard you go through what you went through during those months and nobody did anything - none of their heroes did anything.”

“What did I go through?” said Angus wretchedly. “Just some mean jokes -”

“What matters is how it affected you,” said Jacob fiercely. “We can analyze Taako and everyone’s exact actions until the cows come home, but all we really need to know is that you were hurt. That’s the whole story.”

Angus breathed slowly and let the words echo. Echo. He felt like he could breathe in just a little bit deeper than he’d been able to for the last few years.

“That’s not the whole story,” Angus protested halfheartedly. “The whole story is... a hundred universes, and six epic quests, and battle to save the world. _Taako_ is the whole story. Taako and his friends. Compared to that, I... barely... exist.”

Jacob said, “You’re the whole story to me.”

Angus pressed his face harder into his boyfriend’s shoulder.

At least for this moment, he would let himself believe it.

 

* * *

 

In the Stillwater Sea, on a series of small wildflower islands made from the body of a vast stone Judge that fell on the Day of Story and Song, there is a temple.

On the other side of that string of islands, there is a library.

Jacob had asked Angus to look something up - he said he had found something Angus ought to see. Angus had caught the next convenient portal, and now stood upon verdant crags in the middle of a skyline-wide ocean. He walked toward the library.

On ornate lecterns in the front of the main room, the library displayed the several most popular literary adaptations of the Story, while shelves in the back collected all the other details and minutiae that had been recovered from individual memories of the broadcast. Jacob had given Angus the number of a certain line in a certain edition of a certain adaptation. You could find a copy of these novelizations anywhere, of course, but there was something profound and distinctly official about looking the information up _here_. He walked up to the relevant lectern and began to flip through the book curiously.

Then he found it.

Quickly, the silent tears from several nights ago returned; Angus found himself crying again. He steadied himself on the lectern as he shook. Tiny teardrops splashed on the silent library floor. He was happy. He was feeling so much pain. And that pain had been with him for so long, and now it - at least some of it - was leaving.

The line was from The Stolen Century - specifically that incident when, a hundred universes away, the IPRE had been put on trial by the enormous statuesque Judges, who listed their crimes both past and future. During the original broadcast, it had been hard to make out the individual accusations from the jumble in which they were presented. But here on the page they were laid out clearly, and Jacob had directed him toward one in particular, which said:

_So much cruelty towards a child who loves them._


End file.
